We May Be Halfway Through the Year, but Hey, There's Always Time for New Beginnings

Hmmm. This is weird. I feel like I've already 'written' dozens of blog posts in my head, but this would be the first time in months that I actually sit down in front of a laptop and write. Looking back to January and the beginning of a new year, the first thing I thought about was this blog and what I want to happen to it. As funny as it sounds, given that I haven't posted regularly for a long time, I never actually lost the desire to blog and to write. What to post has never been the problem; it's the actual sitting down and writing that has been the issue. I'm pretty sure that I've talked about it here before, but I am terrible at managing my time. There have been a number of weekends wherein I would plan to blog, but what instead happens is that I would sleep and rest because I was too tired. Rinse and repeat. And again. And again. I'm writing this post on the second week of June instead of the first weekend of the year, and while I'm a little disappointed in myself, I'm just happy that I'm actually blogging again. It's hard to explain just how serious I am about this comeback, but I am.

Things have changed a bit since the last time I was here. I used to devour YA books - I read at least three to four a week - but that number has dwindled to a paltry three or four a month. This doesn't mean that I don't read that often anymore though - I'm still the same girl who has trouble sleeping if I don't finish at least one book a day. It's just that the genre of books that I usually read has changed. Now, I read one to two romance novels a day, and I couldn't be happier. I never quite realized just how much I missed reading about heroines going through the same things I do; and I never really realized just how much happily-ever-afters give me strength, courage, and most importantly, hope.

Hope. If I were to be honest, one of the reasons why I haven't been having the best of years is because I haven't been as hopeful as I was before. I stopped being hopeful towards my career and the future. I was satisfied to simply coast along, and all of these just isn't me. I've always been a go-getter. I've always been positive; I've always been hopeful. Reading romance made me feel hope again, and not just because of the happily-ever-afters, and not necessarily about the romantic relationship aspect of all of it. Reading about heroines who go through the same things as me, and then emerge victorious on the other side, continuously make me realize that I can do the same. Maybe things don't happen the way I thought they would, but that's okay. I just have to relax, regroup, and soldier on. And I have to do all of these with hope.

Reading romance brought hope back to me. And I couldn't be more thankful.

So what happens now?

I know that this post makes it seem like I'm saying goodbye to reading and blogging about YA, but that's not the case. I can never say goodbye to YA - reading and blogging about YA brought so many good books to my attention, and I've made so many lifelong friends. I will always have a soft spot for YA Contemporaries, and there are also a lot of upcoming YA Fantasy books I'm excited for. Saying goodbye to YA will never happen. Moving forward, what I'll do is shift the focus of my blog from YA and New Adult to Romance, YA, NA, discussion posts, a weekly meme, and more posts about me. More posts about what I'm doing, and maybe even my travels, and all the random things in between. I've always wanted to make my blog more personal, and this seems like the perfect time to do it.

2018 marks Defiantly Deviant's sixth year in the interwebs, and if you're reading this, I want to say thank you. From the bottom of my heart, thank you. Thank you for sticking around. Thank you for still listening. If you're a new follower, hey, despite everything, thank you for giving me a chance. To all of you, just... thank you. Thank of you for being a part of my life for the last six years. I hope you all are a part of my life for the next six years too. The next few months are probably going to be tough with me reacquainting myself with blogging, but I honestly couldn't be more excited to see what else I can do, and what else is in store for me.

So this time, believe me when I say that I'm in for the long haul. I'm back!

[Speak Now...] Time to be Brave

I've been meaning to write this post for the last three weeks, and I find myself unable to. Doing so would mean revisiting a period of my life that I don't really want to think about ever again, but I owe you guys an explanation. It's been a long time. A really, really long time. I've posted here in the blog regularly enough the first half of 2016, and poof, I just vanished. Usually, even though I'm in a blogging or reading slump, I'd still be active on twitter, bemoaning my slumps, but that wasn't the case last year. Things just escalated out of control, and it took everything I had in me to hold on. I had to focus solely on holding on - and nothing else - because I felt that the slightest distraction would make me slip and fall.

2016 was a difficult year; a year of extremes. I was hopeful the first half; and I felt like I was drowning the latter half. It wasn't just being physically sick that was the reason - too many things happened, and I had trouble coping. I couldn't even make myself reach out for help, because I felt too... helpless. To be locked inside your mind where there are no good thoughts running through it is a truly terrible thing. To this day, I still have no idea how everything started. Looking back, it was probably a lot of different things at once. The development was subtle, but I didn't notice that right then and there. Next thing I know, I was falling. Drowning. I was in over my head.

To the people who noticed, thank you. Thank you for reaching out. That you for helping me get back up. To the people I had the courage to reach out to, thank you for not pushing me away. I may not have said what exactly was wrong, but thank you for noticing that something was wrong, and doing your best to help me. To the people I talked to after everything, thank you. Thank you for listening. Thank you for not thinking that I'm exaggerating or making all of this up. Thank you for understanding. Thank you for believing me.

And most of all, to the people above - thank you for believing in me.

Writing all of these makes me feel a bit uncomfortable, but also strong. It feels good to finally be able to say all of these; to try to make sense of everything that happened. I feel like I can finally move forward.  I have no idea what is store in me this year, but I already know that I'll be able to face whatever that may be. I'm okay. I'm truly okay now.

What about reading and this blog, you may ask? Over my unplanned hiatus, I realized just how much I love blogging, and just how big a part it is of my life. I think I need to try harder when I work on the things I love, and that's why I plan to invest more time in both blogging and reading. It's going to be tough at first, but I'm confident I'll make it.

So that's it for now, guys. First post of 2017. From the bottom of my heart, THANK YOU for sticking around.

[Speak Now...] When Life Gets in the Way of Reading

Speak Now (or forever hold your peace) is a new feature here in Defiantly Deviant. Basically, I'll be talking about absolutely anything book-related... and anything under the sun, really!

 When Life Gets in the Way of Reading

It's 2:11 in the morning in my neck of the woods, and in true fashion for someone who spent the whole day sleeping, I'm wide awake. It's not that I'm not tired (because I AM), but when the mind refuses to calm down and instead yearns to do something, you gotta do what you gotta do.

So here I am.

I'm looking through the blog, and I can't help but cringe at the date the last time I wrote a review. More than a month ago.

That's a long time.

And now that I'm actually sitting here and thinking about all of this, I'm trying to think back to the last time I finished reading a book.

I finished one two nights ago, yes, but before that?

It's been a long time.

Life has been... hell lately. I feel like I can only do so much, and I usually go home too tired to function. I can never manage my time well, and it sucks that it's affecting my reading and my blogging.

I'm not really sure what I'm trying to say with this post, so let me throw a question your way - how do you guys make time to read? And blog?

I definitely need all the help I can get.